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Love goes cold in the shades of doubt

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(1 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

[07 Feb 2010|05:23pm]
I aten't dead.

Find me now at


I was so yoooouuuuung here.

(Confess your sins)

moving house [06 Oct 2004|05:35pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Or journal, rather.... I've been bored of this username for a very long time...

Find me now at: campaign_ofhate

I got this username when I was very into HOL (Or Hogwarts On Line, for the unknowing) not only that, I also got it when LJ still required you to have an invite code and I got that LJ code from a HOL-type friend whom I haven't really spoken to in a very.. very long time.(strangely enough I think I've actually grown slightly more like her as the years have gone by, but that's irrelevant now.) (if anyone is amazingly interested, she was hester; hpisme but.. meh.. anyway, I digress.)
as I was saying, this was a quite.. young Helen who created this journal.. (goodness... I created you, little journal on the 23rd of April 2002) and I created you (vaguely) under my hol name; Aphrodite Papillion, Aphro for short (thank Rames; he was too lazy/inept to type the whole name :P) however, HOL, for me, is now rather.. over. I still like the fandom, but HOL, a long time ago, became too "clique-y" for my tastes.

You can bet I'll still be posting here at the end of the week, but I'm at least giving changing LJ's a go, even IF I fail miserably at it.

So anyway, off I move to a new, totally UN-Harry Potter related journal, I wonder if this one will last even the two years of aphrop?


Btw: It's friends only, not that I HAVE any lj friends, but I can be hopeful, right? And, oh yeah; is that not the coolest friends only banner? *grins proudly at psp skills* :p

(by the way: katy, if you ever bother checking here; I'll do updates just for you, as I know you are LJless.)

(6 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

whole day enterprises= exhausting. [05 Oct 2004|01:12pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

Whoot, had LONG day today!

Got up about 7am, put on my navy uniform and drove into school for my cadet's-day of whole day enterprises. (erm.. woo? not..)

The Coach ride was fun, we were all talking, laughing, shouting, singing and generally being very silly, seeing who could shout something the loudest, and scoring points depending on how many people looked around...

Then we arrived at the shooting range; longest one I've seen, about 300 yards! we were only using the first post, so about 100; Still, it's a lot considering what I've shot in before has only been 25 yards!

We were using SA-80 rifles, a bit bigger than the .22's I'm used to, proper cadet rifles, so down we lie, load the bullets, align the needle to just below the white circle and WOAH! RECOIL! those things kill your shoulder after a few rounds, I've never used an SA-80 before, so wasn't really prepared, despite Tom telling us it had mammoth recoil. (Recoil is so... unnecessary.)

I didn't do too bad; as I said; my first time using a weapon like this, and at this range, but I got about 4-inch grouping, so I was fairly pleased, Mr Hooker described it as "Superb" and suggested I should have tried out for the shooting team. which made me happy :p
(N.B: counter weighted targets are fun :p) Also; the weapon hadn't been zero'd to me, so I was even happier :P

Then we had a few minutes just revising barings and map-reading (literally, 2 minutes in groups of four on the coach with the NCO's) I DID learn something though; Underwired bras can mess with compasses, so be careful girls :P

Then we all got back on board and road down to the woods (The coach getting lost roughly 7 times in a 15 minute journey and having to do three point turns in country roads) then we had a little packed lunch that left none of us feeling really full, seeing as we're hungry kids and we'd been outside all morning :p

then Mrs (or should I say reverend) Sugden started giving us our first baring and sending us off in our randomly assigned pairs, spacing us out with a couple minutes in between us. I vos ze only 5th form with another 5th form, (everyone else was paired fourth-fifth) and so we got let off last (but got back first, admittedly having missed a couple of posts :P) All was going ok; James wanted to run.. alot. and I didn't :p (cos I realised this was gonna be a long hike and it was only the beginning AND it was getting sunnier/hotter and we'd not really had enough to drink AND I hate running.) He entertained himself by poking me with stalks of grass, which got progressively more annoying as the day went on, but I digress...

All was going well, we'd hiked a while, up several little hills, found our first "marker" (aka; James Dearden, Tom's brother) and then realised that, across the fern patch we were treading "carefully" through, was a HUGE near VERTICAL.. CLIFF (Ok, they described it as a hill, it was NOT a hill.) and at the top, Mr Excell, We'd just climbed what I'd thought was a fairly substantial hill, so much that I'd beenusing the inside side of my boots to get up, but now, we see across about 350 yards of dense ferns this.. mammoth, beast of a hill, and so we start climbing up what is very little more than a rabbit run/mountain goat path, and we're the last group, so the earth's kind of chewed up, and James is not being... considerate when it comes to breaking up the few holds :P Admittedly, he did warn me that the path he was taking was full of gorse, so I could take the other, slightly more.. vertical path with pretty heather instead which, I realise, abruptly stops, so I can to climb over a wide patch of heather, onto the earth again, a few little ledges to either side, I slipped a few times, grabbingat the rough grasses etc to stop myself slipping all the way back :P Rosie grabbed my hand and helped me up the last bit, and I wanted to sit down panting for a bit as Mr Excell told us we'd just climbed about 500 yards and yet had probably only gone FORWARDS (as the crow flies, so to speak) about 5. (FUN!) He suggested we take in the view, but James was having none of that :pSo we continued down a slightly (SLIGHTLY) more level path, a few roots making "steps" to the third Marker... Willy Wong... DEVIL CHILD! Gave us our baring/distance (600 yards, 115degrees) and we realise that everyone's taking the path.. check our compass and realise they're going the wrong direction, we mention this to willy and he nods and says we're right, they're wrong, we should go through that patch of dense ferns and finda slightly hidden path, we nod and he says he expects to see us beating them fair and square by cutting off the corner, just like the bearings say, so off we trudge (this is what we came to describe it as, trudging) and we're not finding the path, we shout back to Willy and he says to continue going, so we do, James falls down a hole that's about a foot deep, I trip over some roots, fall down a hole, this goes on then.. SQUELCH

Bog land.

bloody brilliant. we can no longer see Willy and every other step is either a bog or a hole, the few fallen trees are all half-rotten or our boots are too slick from bog-water/mud to do us much good. Soon I'm up to my hips in water, grabbing a patch of grass (fairly solid) and mewling for James to help me, and he's doing the splits over a patch of bog, each foot on a clump of slightly solid ground and we're mutually cursing Willy Wong, and he (James) is apologising for being unable to help. :P

I suggest we head across the bog towards the path the others were taking (we're baout 500 yards away from the path, and perfectly on our bearing, but let's forget that and get on solid ground.)

I fall in a HUGE pool of boggy, stagnant water, and have to sort of.. straddle a log and pour the water out of the map-bag, a little highlight as me and James giggle, both on a fairly solid patch at this point, there's a hill that we're heading for, hoping that high ground will get us ut of the bog, I step on a rotten log, slip backwards, crunching through and slipping on the slime and hear James shout, he's gone.. disappeared, I sit/stand/kneel up, and shout "James?" and his head appears, laughing, obviously a bit hurt, but not badly, "a big one" he says and I realise he's actually lying on his back, fallen over, but it is indeed.. a big hole. which I manage to just get over :p We jump over a few streams, and slip/slide down two logs, before we reach the uphill part and the ground, still very holey, starts to dry out a little bit. God, getting onto the path was amazing. the bogs were kind of terrifiying, there were times when James and I were both completely lost in the mud/water/ooze, unable to see each other, lost and clinging to stubby grass patches for dear-life. We take a deep breath and I'd happily have stopped for a while, but James wants to make up time and we mutter evilly about Wong, "what went wrong?" "It all went so Wong.." etc, and we're both kind of.. damp? to say the least, and getting blisters, and have Wrenched knees/shoulders/bashed shins etc, are kind of scratched and muddy and.. wet. and yeurch. we have an ok time for a while, kind of rocky, but that's good; cos rocks are solid mmmm.... and we find a little bird hide/fort thing, and think we're on the right path, and then the ground starts getting a little.. splashy, and we have to start jumping over streams, and I say I think we should go back, and we turn the compass to 270 (due west) and decide to head back to the road, and the patrolling bus, 270 takes us back on teh path, up a big hill, where we have a sit down and discuss what we're gonna do, and we see a few people so James hides and I lie on the middle of the path, compass in hand, pretending to be dead/fainted, and it's Harriet, james, Tom, Lizzie, Sarah, and their fourth form counterparts, all nice and dry, and they've found 5 and 6 and are now looking for seven, we walk with them a little bit, James trying to make me feel better by ordering me to walk faster :p (aww, how sweet :p) we can see a big group of NCO's waving etc and tell the others, but htey refuse to believe us so we walk down the path and realise, hey, it's 5, 6 AND 7 all.. hanging out together (Obviously therefore they left their "posts" which may explain why we couldn't find them *glare* ) and they point us in the right direction to get to 9 and there we find Mr Excell, who laughs at our Boggifiedness, and we discuss how EVERY TIME we go orienteering James and I get paired together and ALWAYS manage to fall in bogs, then we start teh walk back to the coach on our final baring and discuss the possibilities of writing a book about bog-finding, our bog-ography, and talk about Bog-warts and professor McBoggagle, I think we were kind of tired :p and the possibility of walking in the countryside and plotting where Bogs are on maps so other people won't fall in them, but we could get paid to...

Then.. salvation, aaaaaah Coachy goodness, we sit in the big lunch-time tree and James throws bark at me (grr..) and then we sit on the coach when the others get back (Last off, first back whoot)

And the coach ride home is.. slightly quieter, with lots of begging of water bottles, a little singing, James trying to make me sing/download various songs, James falls ASLEEP (aww :P haha, he tuckered himself out) Giles tells me how stimulating it is for him to be sitting next to sleepy-james then well, I phone dad, tell him we're almost at school, we arrive AT school, the franklin and Court boys get off to go back to house up near the tennis courts and we pull down, past the art department, past salisbury and I wake up James who, without opening his eyes just goes "I know. I know we're here. we're not finished driving yet. shh."

So then.. well... it's over.. harriet goes to the grubber, I pull off my boots, still slighty wet with river water, and we both walk back to lancaster in socks, carrying the many layers which had seemed far too cold in the morning and so stiflingly hot in the afternoon.

The Army kids had a worse time; they had a night exercise, didn't get to setting up camp till 11 after being attacked in the darkness, it was raining, they didnt have proper cover, so their sleeping bags got soaked then, just as the rain was letting off and they were finally started to sleep, they got "attacked" and had to pull our their rifles and get onto their vans etc. according to Matt "It was so weird, it was just like MEdal of Honour.. it felt so.. real." but he hated it :p and they all envied our blisters, after so long taunting us for being Navy-pansys/gay-navy boys and girls etc, finally Navy seemed a little less silly.

So I was tired, I ache etc.. but overall, it was a fun day, y'know? I think I'd like to do things like it again, though maybe a little less.... Boggy.

(1 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

Silly rant. [03 Oct 2004|05:07pm]
[ mood | silly ]

Fan fiction writers seem to LOVE writing about their character's "swollen lips" that they recieve from passionate kisses, can I just verbalise a thought that's kind of been plagueing me?

How the hell hard do you have to kiss for THAT to happen? I mean, yes, I understand that many of these stories include slightly "violent" or "turbulent" relationships, but.. come on people... look at your lips in a mirror, bite them, look at the difference, bite them harder.. look at the difference.. not that much really, is it? and that's BITING.

Therefore, I feel our chracters (specifically those engaging in relationships of a slashy nature) should be careful not to burst their "swollen lips", have them fall off their face due to their immense weight, or, indeed, simply wipe them off their face in their "engorged passion" (hahaha, I used the word engorged, most cliche'd romance word EVAR!!!221!!!!7!)

anyway.. back to slash.. (Mmmm 'pron")

If anyone wonders, I am reading Sunrises" By.. erm.. "julia the younger?" which up until now wasn't so bad, but then they mentioned swollen lips and all went a bit too cliche for my liking.

Also, why does Harry never just LISTEN when people say "we can't have a relationship!" he always pushes himself petulantly away from the wall/desk he's just been snogged mercilessly against and says "why" in a pouty/whingy way. HELLO your childish inability to take instruction is why! Just once, realise that a) you're being "abused" by an older, often male, character, or, B) Realise there is more to life than your oversized labido, consider the fact that Snape/Lupin/Sirius-back-from-the-SpoilerCollapse ) (what a pointless lj cut, lmao) could in fact be arrested if they pursue your err.. activity of choice.

And besides; if you're planning on keeping (this is specifically to those interested in writing Snape) your chracter IC realise that that most grown men/women have more self control than to shove a bespectacled boy against a wall and that, if they don't, they're not gonna give him the confirmatory "taster" and then pull away saying "but no my love, we shouldn't..." come on; you've commited the ungodly sin of chan, you've pulled the chracters completely ooc anyway, go all the way, what's one more felony to your name, heathen fic'ers!!!

-Helen- (Who once mary-sued herself as Harry Potter's super-powerful-forgotten-twin-sister-who-had-been-living-in-a-french-orphanage-for-16-years-yet-had-not-learned-french and who then turned out to be the Heir of Ravenclaw despite their being no sensible links to this being the case!) (Hey, I was young ok, and I never published it... I may have even deleted it..) (I made it ok in my mind by saying "It's not meeeee, she just has the same name as me because it SOUNDS right!") (And of course, she had the typically "sparkly-moon" last name, which I will not condemn to the world of mary-Sue)

(3 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

haircut.. prep.. dullard? yes. [30 Sep 2004|10:57pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

This is mostly just for my sister's benefit; anyone who DOESN'T wanna have a shufty (Err... look.) at my new haircut (specifically; a new fringe) there is no need to look behind the cut... at all.

Fringe benefitsCollapse )

Am a little... worried(?) about the fact that I haven't done rather a lot of homework this term and assessments (like, mini-reports) are probably coming outsoon. *gulp*

Also; need to do some work on my art/take some picture for a few people who have expressed an interest in seeing what I'm working on (lunatics!!)

Anyway.. in closing; I am wearing no makeup in the above pictures and am inexperienced in the "art" of blowdrying hair. so.. don't judge my face, but the haircut :p And Katy; reply anonymously if you have to, but ifyou see this replllllllly. (Miss- I'm-in-Thailand, too good to email) (erm.... I tried to send you one the other day and it wouldn't send; presumably I got your address wrong :p)

(2 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

[25 Sep 2004|06:11pm]
whee, I got a new phone today! Before anyone (mostly Katy; miss you by the way!) thinks this is incredibly spoilt, please be aware that my old one died. I was quite sad as not altogether THAT long ago I spent a not small sum on purchasing a really cool personalised cover for it, and now when I turn it on... it's ok but as soon as I try to phone anyone it switches off, I switch it back on, check battery is full, plug it into mains, try to call.. it switches off... so that's pretty poo.

Anyway, this is why.. I now have.. this...

Yup, isn't pretty? and shiny? and Aluminium? and it's sooo light and and... It's got a camera... and polyphonic ring tones... and.. well, it actually only has like 5 ringtones, but they're pretty! and my dad is jealous because he's even gone so far as to look online for an "old phone" ring thing and mine has it :p

Anyway... phones generally bore me a little bit... I'm not currently sure whether I will keep this sim card with a new number or get my old sim card with my.. old... number. Will still be able to use old phone for recieving/ sending texts, and will update people on my new number as and when it becomes apparent whether I am changing (Katy, you will be sure to be emailed. On that note; we haven't actually GOT matt's Thai number as 1471 said it couldn't find it, so maybe you could email us it or something..)

I also got some new jeans and some of those pretty Indian-slipper things... which I would upload a picture of but.. I'm too lazy and I can't get a decent one. but suffice to say, they are light pink and have lots of beading on them and aren't as weird as they sound. they're very very pretty, but also kinda.. trendy and go with jeans AND skirts and can be smart OR "cool"/messy. Ah, I love multifunctional shoes... plus, they weren't very expensive. I fully intend on buying every colour imaginable as soon as possible. (And perhaps getting some for christmas.)

Ah, I feel spoilt. *glee*

I'm sure I had something of actual value to say, but can't for the life of me think what it was. :P

So.. Harriet's birthday tomorrow.... goin' to Thorpe Park....

I miss Katy....

HP MemeCollapse )

(Confess your sins)

Back at school... [03 Sep 2004|08:43pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

uuuugh I'm tired; I'm so so sleepy, I just want to sleep for days on end, but I've got to go into school tomorrow, not only that but it's MATHS first lesson... Ugh, saturdays= not as good as they used to. Fridays start with DOUBLE french though, so that makes Saturdays look more appealing.

Saturdays ALSO finish with a double study period or "Personal Study" which we can use for anything we like, as long as we organise it before first break on Friday; we can do art, go to the computer room, library, music room etc, or just go to our allocated classroom, unfortunately there's no skiving out of it, as there's register taken; a shame, because the last two lessons of saturday could have been NICE to miss, as it is I'll have 80 minutes of pretty much nothing to do every week, as if I'm gonna do prep I do it in the evenings... meh... maybe will revise chemistry flame test colours/preciptate colours for the test thing (Can't believe Mr Shaw is setting us up for a test 2 days into the new term) which should take a coupla minutes, really as there're only about 6 things to learn on each and then.. erm, I suppose I should write my french.. well.. not essay, paragraph.. 50 words on what I did in my holiday (The kind of thing I was so good at writing in English when I was about 7 but am so bad at writing in French when I'm 15.)

Hmm.. well, what else; my art wasn't too bad, he said I need to do a little thinking on what I'm going to do my first drawing on and that this first one should really focus on my abilities at just that; drawing, eep, has no one told him I SUCK at life-like drawing? I can begin to draw buildings, possibly plants, but what I'm doing requires well.. probably humans and some real talent I'm not so sure I have. I've only tried to draw a human in a life-like way once (Urgh, self-portrait) and the couple of people who have seen it HAVE surrendered the fact that it looks like me without being prompted.

And now Mr Lloyd knows I can develop photographs and, I fear, thinks I can do it well, how do I break it to the man that I-ain't-all-that-and-a-bag-of-potato-chips? how will I tell him that none of my pictures are actually relevant? well.. maybe the one with teh hooded sitter on a bench.. it's kind of.. dark/gloomy could have several "layers" to it.. hmm... I'm not so sure what I'm going to do, I might have a couple of pictures i could look at/consider using, I'll have to look around at some of my thingumies......

Well, there's more, but I'm sleepy and want to take a look for some images before going to bed at some ridiculously early time, I was promising myself I'd be in bed by 9:30, not in a bad punishing way but in a "just carry on for now and I'll let you have an early night" sort of way, anyway.. yes..

Plus; have to come in for whole school service on Saturday, the fact that I don't follow the schools religion makes no appearance in the arguement, (fair enough really as I DID decide to go there..)

In closing; I am sleepy.

Oh, and I have Pete's Firefly and I'm not giving it back! muhahaha, at least not until I'm sated with watching it.

(Confess your sins)

long ramble about school and my life... [01 Sep 2004|01:04am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

is it wrong to be slightly looking forward to school starting?

I mean.. I'm looking forward to splitting into smaller lodges, I'm looking forward to being a slightly better student, to having cold winter-term afternoons spent in "the vampire place" to Big Black Coats with capital letters (I have a feeling that Harriet started up the expression "BCB" or "Black Coat Brigade"... hmm, now THERE'S an indie/emo band name if I EVER heard it :P)

I'm not looking forward to a few confrontations with a few people and yet, in a way I am, because once they're over and done with/dealt with, it's another chapter of my life shut and finished and another started, and that's another layer to me as a person.

I'm starting this term doing something purely by choice and which I COULD stop doing, just because it's not always easy, but which I'm not going to because it's going to improve me as a person, physically AND mentally.

I think I've grown as a person a bit over these holidays, my musical tastes have developed out of the easiness of mainstream pop into my own mix of bands, both known and unknown, and I've read things I've wanted to read for a while, I've spoken back to my parents about things that annoy me, I've made some choices that needed to be made but which I'd been putting off.

Emotionally, I'm far more settled than I was at this same time last year, when I was... well, a few people who know me closely in real life will know what I was going through, especially around the end of last summer.

for me the summer holidays are usually spent largely by myself; parents and siblings at work, so become for me a kind of... time to recharge my "Helen" Batteries, reapply a coat of myself that gets chipped away by a year of my peers pushing their opinions on me, a time to take a slightly more introspective look at myself and re-evaluate my thoughts and what I'm doing with myself. This probablyexplains why last summer I came out of it a little rough, I didn't really have anything to hold onto, now I'm immersed in lyrics, poetry, music, writing, I'm finding myself in words and music and I'm getting the first glimpses of an image of my inner-self.

I'm not exstatically happy, and I'm getting the idea that that's ok, and that I maybe never will be all the time and that, indeed, if I were, life would be miserable because well, were I always happy nothing could ever.. make me.. happy? everything would just be ordinary. No one is happy all the time, most of the people who are are just hiding their inner-weirdness... inner-fear.

I'm just.. I don't know, I'm just ready to take on a challenge I've been setting myself up to take for my whole life, this year I start, really, three years of working for exams, putting everything I've learnt into practice, using it for what I was taught it for.

After these three years, well; after that everything I do is by choice, more school, no school, a low-paid job, a high-paid job, no-job, new-life, new-family, new-kids, gods, I'm frightening myself.

But until these three years are over, I'm making MYSELF a promise, I'm going to work DAMN hard, and if I break it I only disappoint myself.

(3 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

Just because... [30 Aug 2004|07:44pm]
[ mood | sneezy ]

Just for you Crystal ;)

In other news: I just changed my bed sheets and now I'm really really sneezy... nice.

(1 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

YAY FOR AUGUST 30TH!!!! [30 Aug 2004|06:01pm]
[ mood | overjoyed ]

I HAVE IT I HAVE IT I HAVE IT!!! ^^ Whee, Joy, have been waiting a good month and a half for the moment I got this little lovely in my hands, BRAND. NEW. LIBS. *dances in glee* and it's so... good y'know, I'm not sure which I prefer- Up The Bracket or The Libertines, they're both so.. perfect *happy sigh* I'll admit that The Libertines is a kind of.. clearer sound, feels like a better recording, and the guys have matured a bit, it's definately different, I think it's a grower, and I'm QUITE willing to let it grow and grow and grow ^^ I
I'm skipping around tracks, listening to ones I haven't heard before, smiling at slight changes to ones I have. Forced mum to take me up to Virgin Records so I could buy it and very happily handed over my money to the.. desk guy, who smiled at me, and I swear, smirked at my awful black nail polish which I am now slowly chipping off :P

So now I have up the bracket, which I just.. love and The Libertines, which is just.. ah, refreshing and brilliant and which I can say "I got on teh very first day it was released" However.. now I'm getting this really strong urge to go out and buy it on Vinyl >>

(3 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

Mmmm... Cholera. [28 Aug 2004|12:02pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Randomly was looking through my journal (My paper one, not an online one) and filling in where I'd left blank pages and found this odd entry....

me:I think it could be quite exciting to get cholera....
Kia:What? why?
me:Well... it's sort of... exotic...
me:Very Victorian... Of course, if I had cholera I'd have to start smoking Opium...

Well, I'm bored.. I might start writing the story I've been thinking of...

(Confess your sins)

meh, I'm just blabbering now [27 Aug 2004|04:22pm]
Well, first of all; "Up the Bracket" came this morning (Glee!) I've made my comments links funkadelic (No matter what I do I can't seem to make an image appear between them, it just.. makes my comment links disappear, as it is I've just got them to flip in a way that I've always wondered how to do and now know.

This weekend I'm going shopping in a whole "new area" of shopping; first of all I'm going to the army surplus place and looking for some sort of. heavy duty combat style trousers, patches, a bag, just sort of.. general slightly grungey looking stuff, and then some other time I might be going to a thrift store ^^"/the vintage clothing store in Pokesdown; "Clobber" heh. Also; if I have it my way I will make a stop at the Thai Supermarket (Which also sells Japanese/Chinese stuff) and buy some pocky and Hello Pandas ^^

Ah, I'm planning such a cheap-ass weekend...

(My secret motive for going to the army store is looking for a Coldstream Guard's tunic ^^" (under the cut)
Mmm, JacketCollapse )

(Confess your sins)

Done... and now to bed! [27 Aug 2004|06:34am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Well, I'd like to do more BUT it's 6:15AM and I haven't slept yet. o.O why is it I ALWAYS start playing with HTML at night, why can I never get interested in coding up my sites/journals during the DAY? It really is like my "secret hobby" which I show people the end results of but which they assume I just found and gacked (seriously, my sister asked me where I got most of my GJ icons from, to which I replied, in a leadened tone, that I made them, yes, even the animated ones. It's odd, I seem to have lost some icons, as in.. I simply can't find them on my hard drive, well; have probably got them in use of a various Greatestjournal (whee for 1000 free icons/pictures!) so they're not totally lost....

Every time I try and change one thing it messes up the whole darn thing.....(That said, tomorrow I might try and do a neat-o border for my entries/change font (just to prove I can; I'm only pimping up this journal so I know I can do it, I was looking at free_elite, this lj comm for free user layouts and well, I want basically to have or to have made at some point, all the aspects that to them make a good layout, even if I then remove them. It's all a complex text that will oneday lead to be being fluent in html!!!! (At least I now a) can write a basic page, b) type things like the italics form automatically c) can do some basic frames, d) know hex codes, what they are, far easier more versatile way to get them than from a code (I mean, doy! psp's colour chart; anything you could imagine! with the hex at the bottom!) d) now basic html tags...

Now I just wanna figure out how you make layouts with several images to make up one bigger image, as seen in most paid user layouts but which I've also seen in some free ones (As I've said, it's amazing how much versatility you actually DO get from a free account, it just requres S1 and lots of merging of your global heads. Hehe, that sounded a little rude.)

Any hoo, after spending like.. 2 and a half hours on this layout, (and it still looks this bad!) you could always, y'know, look at it ;)

Anyway, yes.. SLEEP NOW

but one more thing; Yay, I may not be going to Reading or Leeds (*cries*) but I AM getting Up The Bracket and it should be arriving in a few days (ordered it a few days ago now.... or rather Pete did, because he knows how play works and has a Credit card, so I get to pay him back.... ) and that's not all, oh no... The Libertines (self titled) is coming out on Monday, and, and, and, Johnny Depp is starring in a film called the Libertine, to be released autumn/winter this year :P how's that for fun >> Actually, to be fair... the film is about an Earl's Debauchery, and not my "favourite band" at all, but hell, it's a good name!

yes, well.. lookie my layout, no one but livejournal people can appreciate it, as none of my family/friends has even had an interest in html, let alone lj "html"

And if anyone cares; Katy, my sister, keeps mocking me by saying my favourite band has a song with her name and not mine, I would like the record to show I a) do not care and that b) it's about a girl that broke the guy's heart really cruelly, so she can have it. :p

(Confess your sins)

just about done.... [27 Aug 2004|05:54am]
[ mood | confused ]

ha. fucking. ha. I want the passwords to my freaking host, I swear; "tinypic.com" doesn't always load my image; sometmes I think it loads an advertisement instead? I just saw a completely random thing in the little.. bottom bar thing.

I will get Pete to come up (again.) and give me the host address (again) and put in the usernames/pass (again.) then I can load my images onto the server and they'll both appear faster and.. actually appear.

the Joy!

LJ is being odd, kept messing up my colours so have to redo links.....

[edit: well, that took about 2 minutes, not 100% sure about colour for my weak accent (blue top bar) but from now on anything I do is really just fine tweaking/extra vanity ;) ]

(Confess your sins)

[27 Aug 2004|05:21am]
[ mood | pleased ]

Well, there we are then; I've been meaning to finish (well, start actually; I've left this just grey for ages) my LJ layout. I used overrides and EVERYTHING I'm like.. a beast among journallers haha, well actually no I'm not, I've seen what can be done with a free account and I'm not doin' it any time soon. (OR WILL I?!) well, maybe if I get bored waiting for a layer of paint to dry tomorrow during yet more art prep, perhaps then I will try to find the codes for a side bar type thing....

For now; I will change the colours and then to bed! *bows out* (Also considering putting a little image between my comment links >> Just because it seems the done thing *shrug*)

If anyone wonders/is interested, the band featured on my journal is the Libertines, the photograph was taken by (I think) Roger Sargent and the featured song is "Music When the Lights go out" all 3 are absolutely amazing, feel free to check them all out ^^"

(10 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

"But I'm thinking about growing a big, black mustache..." [27 Aug 2004|01:38am]
[ mood | silly ]

hehe, rewatching Firefly (specifically, War Stories) And well, everytime I hear Simon say that line I just get such a mental image (I actually paused and made this mid-episode, so I'll go back to it now :P

(Confess your sins)

I'm boredsie.... [25 Aug 2004|05:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]

0111011101101000011001010110010100100000011000100110100101101110011000010111001001111001001011100010111000101110001000000100100100100000011000010110110100100000011100110110111100100000011000100110111101110010011001010110010000101110 (click the link and all will make sense)


(Confess your sins)

funny dream... [24 Aug 2004|02:57pm]
[ mood | weird ]

Last night I had a dream that I was running around "Toys 'R' Us" wearing only a too-small yellow towel, trying to find a bass guitar, upon not finding it I tried to get back to the public baths,(woo, ancient Roman styleeeee) but I had to run away from the police, who wanted my autograph. I ended up in some sweet-back-alleys where I met up with most of the Libertines, who couldn't find Gary and so needed a bass Player. Carlos said he "liked my towel" (with no conotations whatsoever, in the same tone you might use to say you liked someone's new shirt) and leant me Gary's Bass, then the phone started ringing just as we were about to rock the joint.

Poxy phone.... ruined my libs dream. Though.. wish I had had a bigger towel.

(2 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

parents, madness and Pete. [11 Aug 2004|01:42am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I feel like a very mean daughter indeed.
why? Because mum and dad are coming home tomorrow and I know I should be looking forward to seeing them but the truth is i'm kind of dreading it.

These last (not quite) two weeks have been really nice, very chilled, we've been eating what we like, when we like (And by what we like I do not mean junk, we've been cooking proper things, just slightly more adventurous than what mum cooks, not to mention far more vegetables, pittas, fresh yoghurt, fish; we haven't eaten any red meat even. I like going to sainsbury's and spending the shopping money on stuff we like and will actually eat, fresh fruit and salad stuff, rather than tins that get put to the back of the cupboard and never used.

Mum left us a list of "suggested meals" it was things like chicken nuggets, pizza, burgers, oven chips, sort of.. practically-ready-made stuff which you'd expect a couple of teenagers to make when left alone, or what you'd leave the babysitter to make for the kids Instead we invented recipes, lemon-spiced-chicken in seasoned flour, enchiladas, ceasar salads a-plenty.

Perhaps mum forgets that Kate's lived by herself for 3 years at Uni, that Pete's 20-freaking-5 and That I'm... well, I'm 15, but I'm mature, I can cook gods-damnit, I invented stuff that all bowed down to and said tasted ok!

Yesterday dinner was the real final test. Dad likes us to sit in near-silence so he can watch the news, or "Neighbours" or some other god-awful-soap-opera-replacement-life-for-the-one-he-is-not-living. He asks a question but complains if the answer is more than two words long and intrudes on what "his characters" are saying. Yesterday, we talked about the art I was doing for school and it's theme if "Chos and order in Nture" how I was taking this on to look at the differences in the "chaos" of a "lunatic's" mind and the comparative "order" of, say, a housewives. We discussed what makes people mad, how society's hold makes us who we are, how "madness" is, in it's basis, simply being free, saying what everyone thinks but what the "normal" does not accept. How if you are raised by monkey's that's what you consider sane, how genetics works, how having a parent that beats the other or their children may make the child hate the idea of abuse, but how genetics may lead them to become wife/husband beaters, how madness could be genetic, we talked about genetics, and the Lymbic system of teh brain, we quoted philosophers! We talked about the biology, the chemicals. If dad had been there he would have made an ill-timed joke, instead we had an incredibly interesting, introspective debate on human nature.

And they are coming back tomorrow. And I fear that our new-found liberation may be going as well.

In other news.. Pete ate dinner with us about... twice. he tended to take his dinner in his room, despite our asking, nay, occasional begging for him to come join us. He took on dad's roll and shooshed us when we laughed too loudly. He came and played X-box with Matt and I once, and he was fun I just wish he was more outgoing; he's such a nice guy, he really could be fun! I mean; he's not unintelligent, he needs to form his own opinions rather than those of talk-show-hosts and movies, but if he just interacted with real human beings rather than the avatars on his games he could form those opinions and, in reality, not trying to offend him; form some sembalence of a life. Katy is 23, in a long term relationship, going to Thailand for a few months, when she comes back she and Matt are going to buy a flat/house, they'll almost certainly get married, they both admit to it. And Peter is 25, living at home, his mother still washing his shirts and cooking his meals. Monet may have lived with his mother well into his fourties, but I doubt he tried to lord it over his sisters as though he were more intelligent than them while they went out and experienced the world. Monet may have stayed at home and painted, but he was doing something constructive that actually gave him an outlet. I'm worried that he's going to drive himself made, locked in a room with only the glow of two computer screens, the hum of real conversation being slowly more and more outweighed by the hum of his computer fans. All his old friends are resigned to the fac that he is; in essence, dead to them. He refers to them as his mates when in reality they're Kate's. once in a while they'll say "What, no Pete?" but everyone know's it's a joke. He's dug himself so deep into a hole that if he wants to get out of it he's left it too long and the ladder isn't long enough. He's going to have to form a whole set of new relationships and friends, with none of the old to stay as hand holds. Even solid foundations can crumble and he's let the timber rot.

His so-called "mates" have invited me out. I love him and I hate what he's letting himself become; a total recluse. I know how easy it is to sit and be alone, I know I'd sometimes much rather be by myself and not have to worry about what people think, but I also know that having people think about you is part of growing up; facing fears and your peers makes you and shapes you into an adult. It's fast becoming apparent that in that sense his "Little sis's" as he likes to call us, are getting to be more grown up than him.

I don't know why I'm going on so much... it's just this really is something that's been on my mind a lot, more and more as I see him get another year older, and all his old friends coupling off and getting married, and mum and dad talking about their retirement, and dad quietly saying he thinks I'll be gone before Pete, I've been a part of the conversations where we discuss how he's so competetive he'll probably move out when Kate gets a house (He got his liscense only when she did etc). I just don't want him to wastehimself like this!
Argh.. he is so frustrating.

(3 had several large gins | Confess your sins)

[05 Aug 2004|10:38pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

erm so.. "whoot" I now have Windows XP I didn't want it very much but well... you may as well go with the flow or, in this case, the increasingly popular OS of the household.

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